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The PGA Tour’s FedEx Cup rap will make your ears bleed

BY on September, 23 2013 1 Comment ,

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Lost in the shuffle of the FedEx Cup playoffs, the PGA Tour forgot this important fact: Golf and rap are two things that do not, under any circumstance, go together.

Ahead of the Tour Championship at East Lake in Atlanta, the PGA Tour coaxed several of the 30 players in the field to participate in a rap video shoot to promote the playoff finale.

UPDATE: The video went missing on the PGA Tour’s YouTube channel on Tuesday. It was made private, so you can no longer view it. However, our friends at For The Win produced some GIFs to recreate a few snippets of the video.

It’s horrible. All of it. And the worst part is that Peter Jacobsen, the Payne Stewart Award winner, may have played a key role in orchestrating all 90 seconds of it.

Altogether, 11 of the 30 players to get to the Tour Championship made some kind of cameo in the video: Billy Horschel, Boo Weekley, Bill Haas, Luke Donald, Jim Furyk, Adam Scott, Charl Schwartzel, Gary Woodland, Zach Johnson, Brendon de Jonge and Roberto Castro.

Furyk played a prominent role, fitting in some rhymes (or something like that) about his 59 at the BMW Championship. Gary Woodland was the side voice of a lot of the song, off the main beat. Zach Johnson was truly awful in his performance, as was Roberto Castro, but he was no doubt just happy to be in the Tour Championship so he could be asked to do something this ridiculous.

In Adam Scott and Charl Schwartzel’s short cameos, it’s clear they knew this was a terrible idea, but they’re nice guys so they agreed to be in it.

Boo Weekley was really the star of this video with his Ric Flair-ish shimmy that makes the women of backroads Florida crazy. 

This is an idea that should never be uttered again in a PGA Tour marketing meeting. And the next person that does should be fired on a conference call.

However, if you’re a masochist, here are the full lyrics to complement this truly historically bad video which proves that while almost everything great can be found on the internet, there’s a lot of stuff like this floating around, too.

Birdies and bogeys,
cheers and groans,

The dream, the scheme

I got a plan coming in,
It’s really pretty simple
Just knock ‘em all in

I’m gonna shut up and step up
and try not to mess up
Stand up, show up
and try not to blow up

That’s my goal, to win the FedEx Cup
That’s my goal, to win the FedEx Cup

That’s right

All of us are looking
to win the FedEx Cup
Hope to cause a shake up
Hope I don’t slip up

This week, yeah, it means a lot
I hope to play great and get real hot

Gotta grind it out, man, on every shot
Furyk shot what?
Furyk shot what?
What?!
59

That kinda golf will blow your mind

I’m gonna be so good
As good as I got
Here I come, ready or not
Here I come, ready or not

Birdies and bogeys,
cheers and groans,

Four weeks of playoffs
takes some time
I hope to take this one shot at a time
The FedEx Cup is gonna be mine
The FedEx Cup is gonna be mine

Lookin’ forward to the week,
it’s too early to tell
how it’s going to end up in the A-T-L

Thanks to Alex Myers of Golf Digest for making, then ruining my day.

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CATEGORIES: Albatrossities, PGA Tour



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