Since the sun has apparently forgotten Philadelphia this week for the 2013 U.S. Open, seems appropriate to bring up the great FX show, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.”
More specifically, we wanted to try to cast the show with figures from the U.S. Open.
Mike Davis as Frank Reynolds (played by Danny DeVito)
Let’s be honest: this made sense because both men suffer from male-pattern baldness. Other than that, this makes no sense.
Frank Reynolds is bonkers and should probably be committed. He’s a despicable man.
Mike Davis isn’t. He’s a nice guy, though he is always scheming, like Frank, but about creative U.S. Open setups. Maybe if we could get Mike to spend as much time at Paddy’s Pub as Frank does, then it’s be a suitable role.
Sergio Garcia as Charlie Kelly (played by Charlie Day)
Stick with us on this one.
Charlie is the Wild Card, remember? He’s liable to do literally anything. Sounds kind of like Sergio, who could spit in a cup, use a racial epithet, blame the Golf Gods or grow facial hair at the drop of a hat.
And Charlie can’t read or speak too well, which might be a convenient explanation for Sergio’s way with words.
Oh, and Charlie stalks The Waitress, who we figured would just be Morgan-Leigh Norman.
Nick Watney as Dennis Reynolds (played by Glenn Howerton)
At first, this one might be a stretch. But you have to remember that Dennis comes as a package deal with Sweet Dee. (And Frank, too, but you’re going to have to suspend disbelief here. Besides, Frank looks nothing like his kids.)
Nick Watney’s known as an all-around good guy, but on the surface, he looks like a pretty boy. He doesn’t really seem to be much of a schemer, or all that great of a talker, which Dennis Reynolds believes himself to be (though he isn’t).
Watney’s not really an underachiever, but he could certainly produce more on the PGA Tour. And hopefully his personal life isn’t akin to the debacle that is Dennis’, despite whatever Butch Harmon aired out on Twitter.
And, be sure to remember the D.E.N.N.I.S. System.
Heidi Watney as Dee Reynolds (played by Kaitlin Olson)
This was the payoff for casting Nick Watney.
Yeah, Heidi Watney isn’t Nick’s sister, but they’re cousins. And that’s good enough for government work.
Watney covered sports for NESN for a while, before leaving for the MLB Network. Dee obviously isn’t that successful, and I don’t think Watney had the same kind of childhood back issues Dee did.
Really, it was all about matchups, like in baseball, which Heidi covers.
John Daly as Ronald “Mac” McDonald (played by Rob McElhenney)
John Daly was once thin. He underwent lapband surgery, which drastically limited his caloric intake almost exclusively to Diet Coke and cigarettes. But it worked, he looked great. Then he began to once again “add mass.”
That’s what Mac did in one season of “Sunny,” where he was fat for a whole season for apparently no reason.
We imagine Daly might have the same love for martial-arts (not marital, we know how that has gone for Daly in the past) cinema as Mac does. Let’s not make long-winded mention of Mac’s desire to “get hard” to impress his dad in prison.