By Michael Urann | FOLLOW @FUPodcast
This is a special time of year, when a new chapter is written in the legacy of professional golf…and professional wrestling.
The azaleas in Augusta reach full bloom just as the last lights of the fireworks ending Wrestlemania fade. It makes you wonder: Do the green jackets at Augusta watch WWE? It would be foolish to assume they don’t. And since Clifford Roberts and Bobby Jones are long passed away and the progressive era of Billy Payne’s Augusta National is in full force, it seems about time to drive 2015 bravado down Magnolia Lane.
Let’s put up a Titantron behind the first tee (who wants to see the clubhouse, anyway?) and instead of the passé “fore please, so and so now driving,” let’s give the patrons what they deserve – WWE entrance music to walk out to at The Masters.
Now, remember, there are clearly come “jobbers” in the field this week at Augusta. Ben Crenshaw has about as much of a chance of winning the 2015 Masters as the Brooklyn Brawler did of beating Hulk Hogan on Saturday morning WWF Superstars in 1988. So, it’s probably safe to assume that they won’t have any entrance music. But we can at least get Howard Finkel or Lillian Garcia to do the honors, right?
These contenders deserve the WWE treatment at Augusta:
Tiger Woods / The Undertaker
We had very little idea of what to expect from The Undertaker at Wrestlemania 31 after not showing his face during the entire five-week buildup to the Showcase of the Immortals. What Taker showed us is that he’s not the same guy that he used to be but he can be serviceable enough to entertain us. That’s pretty much the ceiling for El Tigre this week.
Dustin Johnson / Randy Orton
Does Dustin hear Voices in his Head? Are they the voice of Tim Finchem? Does he understand if they’re saying he was suspended for six months? Dustin has looked like The Viper since returning in February (just like Orton, coincidence?). He definitely has a chance to RKO Amen Corner this week.
Bubba Watson / John Cena
The Champ. Is. Here! The 15-Time World Champion John Cena has as many fans as he does critics. Bubba was recently polled as one of the least liked players in the locker room by fellow players. His reply to the media was that he needed to be better. It’s that kind of too-positive attitude that Cena’s been going with for too long. Both need to embrace their inner bad guy and turn heel.
Rickie Fowler / Daniel Bryan
Rickie Fowler may have more fans than anyone else on Tour. It’s surprising they haven’t started their own version of the YES! Movement already. Small in stature but big on heart, Fowler would be as popular a champion as Bryan was when he won the Undisputed WWE Championship at Wrestlemania 30. Fowler needs to get over the hump to shed the reputation of a “B-Plus Player”.
Phil Mickelson / Triple H (Time to Play the Game)
Triple H shows up at Wrestlemania every year as if he’s still the cock of the walk. Unfortunately, even though he still looks the same, he’s not a five-star-match guy anymore. Phil hasn’t won a major since the 2013 Open at Birkdale, but he’s still cutting promos as if he’s getting a shot at the title tomorrow.
Rory McIlroy / Brock Lesnar
When Rory wins majors, nobody gets close to him. Sound familiar? He’s stepping into Augusta with a chance to join Hogan, Nicklaus, Player and Woods as the sixh winner of the career Grand Slam. If he wins on Sunday and doesn’t hire Paul Heyman to introduce him next year as the “Reigning…defending…undisputed… Masters Champion,” he’s a fool.
Jordan Speith / Seth Rollins
Jordan’s been walking around with the Money in the Bank briefcase since his two U.S. Junior Amateur wins. He left college early and won his way onto the Tour. He’s been lighting up the early part of the season with a chance to win seemingly every week. It would only be fitting if he shot a second-nine 31 on Sunday to cash in against Patrick Reed (Roman Reigns) and Mcilroy (Lesnar).
Jack Nicklaus - Arnold Palmer - Gary Player / NWO
When Degeneration X and the NWO came back for their nostalgia moment at Wrestlemania 31, everyone smiled. But in reality, the NWO was about as limber as The Big Three are in 2015. The ceremonial tee shots are really Augusta National’s version of “4-Life” anyway.
Billy Payne / Vince McMahon
If Billy Payne does the Vince McMahon strut to the first tee on Thursday, we’ll all be winners.
Condoleeza Rice / Stephanie McMahon
Welcome to the Queendom! As one of the first two female members at Augusta, she’s making kings bow down. Imagine the face of Billy Payne when this music hits during his intros during the ceremony Thursday morning and she tells Payne to “get the h*** off of my tee!” /p>
THAT WAS FUN, RIGHT?!
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