We’re back! It’s Week 5, and NFL teams have started to identify themselves. That means Ernesto the Prediction Iguana is out of hibernation and ready to ascend his throne as the undisputed, all-belts-unified champion of the Animal Prognostication Kingdom.
As always, we do teasers here, so you get to move the line six points in either direction, using lines from Vegas Insider, HOME TEAM IN CAPS. Here we go…and remember, when you collect, tell your bookie the iguana sent you.
GREEN LIGHT!
Patriots (+0.5) at BUCCANEERS
Bills (+8.5) at BENGALS
Two road dogs that are barking for straight up wins. The Cheatriots are never tougher than after a loss. The Bills already beat the NFC defending champion Falcons on the road, and Cincinnati has looked sluggish against everyone except Cleveland.
AMBER ALERT!
EAGLES (-0.5) vs. Cardinals
BENGALS-Bills OVER 32
The Eagles O-line has been beefy this year, pushing open holes to dominate in rushing an time of possession. The Cardinals have been searching for answers on both sides of the ball, and Philly is not a team to have to face when you’re trying to find your stride. Meanwhile the Bengals and Bills have enough offense to top that paltry over-under number.
UNDER ARMOR!
BUCCANEERS-Patriots UNDER 60
GIANTS-Chargers UNDER 50
After coming back from 25 points down in the SUPER Bowl, who’d have thought New England would be 2-2? Privately, Belichick has to be jumping up and down screaming because his once mighty defense is in tatters. Still, Tampa Bay is a good team to get get the house in order against…a little sunshine, a little beach time, a few double practices and 30-point win…
Meanwhile, it’s the 0-4 Bowl in the Meadowlands. Talk about role reversal: The Jets were supposed to be putrid, but are 2-2, and the Giants were supposed to contend for the NFC crown but can’t finish a game. 50 is too many points for two struggling teams to top.
